“I’ll give you the address of a nice preschool.” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor

In our ongoing mission to bring you only the shallowest and laziest analysis of Zombie Simpsons, we’re keeping up our Crazy Noises series for Season 22.  Since a podcast is so 2004, and video would require a flag, a fern and some folding chairs from the garage, we’ve elected to use the technology that brought the word “emoticon” to the masses: the chatroom.  Star Trek image macros are strictly forbidden, unless you have a really good reason why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.  This text has been edited for clarity and spelling (especially on  “supposedly”).

There are about four different episodes I could’ve done a compare & contrast post when it comes to “Lisa Simpson, This Isn’t Your Life”. For now I’ll content myself by pointing out how much better “Lisa’s Sax” is just in terms of allowing the viewer to follow the action without getting plot whiplash every three minutes. In “Lisa’s Sax”, Bart is having trouble at school; Marge and Homer go to talk to the school counselor about Bart. Toddler Lisa is sitting in her mother’s lap when the counselor notices her intelligence and recommends a good preschool. The family goes to the school where they find that they cannot afford it or get a scholarship. It’s very clean and simple and viewer friendly:

A (Bart has trouble in school) -> B (parent/counselor meeting) -> C (counselor sees how smart Lisa is) -> D (counselor recommends preschool) -> E (family checks out good preschool)

In “Lisa Simpson, This Isn’t Your Life” it goes like this:

A (Lisa disappointed in school) -> L (a bus drives by) -> C (family shows up at a school) -> Y (Homer dives out of a window)

It all makes perfect sense if you happen to have suffered cranial trauma recently, otherwise, not so much. Dave was once again unable to join us this week. He did send this in:

“I didn’t bother watching this year’s ToH episode, which means it has been a relatively enjoyable few weeks devoid of Zombie Simpsons.  ‘Lisa Simpson, This Isn’t Your Life’ irrevocably ruined this peace.  It made me contemplate throwing my water bottle at my laptop on multiple occasions.  It was remarkably unfunny, trite, and poorly rehashed any number of plot points from episodes past.  Not sure why anyone thought it was a good idea to send this piece of shit into production, but they did, and should be stoned as a result of their terrible decision.”

He, uh, didn’t like it.

Mad Jon: Opening shot?

Charlie Sweatpants: The Itchy & Scratchy thing?

Mad Jon: Ok. I was ok with it until it kept going.

One or two murders will cover it.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, it got old pretty fast, plus it was another one that was completely unrelated to the rest of the episode.

Mad Jon: Yeah, most of the old ones tied in a bit, e.g. the one when Homer became an astronaut.

Charlie Sweatpants: When I think about things like the look of pained joy on Krusty’s face after the thresher hits Scratchy Jr. and his dad, I can’t help but wish they’d do things like that just every once in a while.

  Still, the very beginning was probably the high point of the episode.

Mad Jon: Also, every I&S used to end with Bart and Lisa laughing or something, they didn’t even bother to stick around for the end this time.

They used to be entertainment for the characters, not just those willing to watch FOX at 8pm on Sundays.

  And I agree, it was probably the high point.

Charlie Sweatpants: Because once Homer began refilling his gas tank for no reason, it was all downhill from there.

Mad Jon: I think it would have been a much better episode if Homer didn’t show up at all.

Although the only chuckle I had was at his line about picking a dead end and waiting for death.

Charlie Sweatpants: Enh. That didn’t rise to chuckle worthy for me. It’s not a bad concept, but like everything else it was just too ham handed to be fun.

Mad Jon: Fair enough

Charlie Sweatpants: The gas station thing just went on forever, and when it finally did end all we got out of it was that they got lost on the way home (for some reason) and that bizarre scene at Marge’s old house.

Mad Jon: We never did find out anything about the current home owner either, did we?

Charlie Sweatpants: Not really. She was just there, and had apparently left Marge’s old room intact for some reason.

It’s another one of those lazy storytelling devices where the writers are so pleased with themselves for thinking of something that hasn’t been beaten into the ground yet that they don’t bother to develop it at all.

The trip to Marge’s old house was about twenty seconds of content stretched over a minute and a half.

Mad Jon: Which is obviously a lesson they forgot the rest of the episode. That was like 4 old plot lines rehashed in one episode.

Charlie Sweatpants:  That’s the other problem.

The Bart-Nelson subplot felt like something Sam Simon would’ve burned the moment it came off his typewriter.

  It just keeps making less and less sense, right up until the end when they walk in together at four in the morning for one of the more random endings I can recall in a while.

Mad Jon: Yeah, that caught me pretty off-guard. If apple juice made you drunk I would have an extra decade or so of substance abuse under my belt.

Charlie Sweatpants: And let’s not forget that it all got started when Bart went kite-boarding in the playground for some reason.

Mad Jon: Is Kite-boarding a current fad or something?

  Although I must say last time I was in Miami for business I watched some guys do that and it looked pretty freakin’ sweet.

Charlie Sweatpants: I don’t think so, but they had that “Sonny & Cher” kite, and that was too good not to use again.

Mad Jon: Definitely not as good as the Ringo Starr portrait.

  “Gear.”

  I’m going to watch that episode tonight.

Charlie Sweatpants: That will make you feel better.

  Before you get to that though, we have to discuss the A-plot.

Mad Jon: Oh, I’m not going anywhere yet.

Charlie Sweatpants: I know I ranted about this in that post about how awful Marge was, but what was the point of this story?

Did it have a point?

  Or even a climax?

  A conflict of any kind?

Mad Jon: I think maybe the climax/resolution was supposed to happen at the end when Lisa realized her mother led some sort of good life, but then she had that look in her eyes that in a soap opera would mean an evil twin would show up next episode.

  But that only covers the “Separate Vocations” plot.

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, then there’s the “Lisa’s Pony” part, except without the humanity, and the “Lisa’s Sax” part, except without any kind of resolution.

  I don’t know, maybe I’m asking too much of an episode that had its main point of contention literally drive by on the side of a bus 2/3 of the way through.

Mad Jon: Most assuredly.

It was even harder to watch as apparently Lisa, IQ 156, thinks that to have a full life means you must eliminate all forms of everything, but then falls back on that when it goes well for her.

  Weak.

  Bill Gates would have let his mom do the laundry.

Charlie Sweatpants: That part also felt like some kind of bizarre flight of fancy.

Mad Jon: I was waiting for her to eliminate 2 of 5 senses.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, you lost me there.

Mad Jon: Well, soon she would have decided that smelling things was a distraction, and comfortable clothes? That will only get you into Brown, say goodbye to Harvard.

Charlie Sweatpants: Okay, it makes sense now.

But that’s part of the problem isn’t it? Ditching the activities that make her such an overachiever is the opposite of what Lisa would do.

  And that’s before we got to the school, which supposedly had everything.

Mad Jon: If anyone should know that the variety of activities Lisa has makes her the person she is, it would be Lisa. Also I think that was a plot line for an episode 4 or 5 season ago.

Charlie Sweatpants: That would not surprise me. But this is another example of them ratcheting back and forth between concepts with no regard for what just happened.

One moment Lisa demands only to study, the next she’s off at a school that has other things going on.

Mad Jon: Like imagination, which may be the single most time sucking activity in which I engage daily.

Charlie Sweatpants: But we also know they have a pool because . . . well, you know.

Mad Jon: Oh, I know.

Charlie Sweatpants: Though, for my money, the three story plunge into the pool actually made more sense than Willie’s floor waxer thing. Admittedly, they are both so close to absolute zero on the humor scale that it’s hard to tell.

Mad Jon: Oh, I have to say that the Willy thing was more obviously insane. What, you couldn’t fit Homer into enough jerk-ass scenes? You had to drag the cleaning staff into this?

Don’t worry, I will also scream it out.

Charlie Sweatpants: Well, they long ago gave up on having the supporting characters appearances make sense. I think Chalmers lives at the school now.

Mad Jon: Well, at least they disposed of the subtle hatred/co-dependency that made the Skinner- Chalmers relationship entertaining.

  I know it happened a while ago, but until then it was like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Charlie Sweatpants: Though apparently Skinner has been principal since Marge was in second grade, so, you know. That’s kinda odd too.

Mad Jon: Especially since they are basically the same age.

  Was he in nom in the mid-late 60′s?

  And also like 22?

Charlie Sweatpants: Yeah, the Skinner as Vietnam vet thing has kinda backfired on them over the years.

  He’d need to be in his sixties now.

Mad Jon: Which is too bad, as it is one of the funnier long running jokes.

I think I get hard each time I see the shades fall on his slumped reminiscence.

  Whoops, that was the beer talking.

Charlie Sweatpants: It happens. Skinner’s flashbacks are another one of those pieces of humor they long ago forgot how to use.

Anything else?

Mad Jon: No, I think a few commenters got it right, it wasn’t as terrible as most of the latest episodes. It was still pretty terrible, and literally had to recycle 4 or 5 plot themes just to make it to 22 minutes. It just wasn’t quite as terrible.

Charlie Sweatpants: I’m not sure if I can even go that far. The fact that it had a few decent ideas that it failed to develop doesn’t mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.

  It still whirled around, killing time and making no sense, and had its characters act loopy for no reason.

Just because they didn’t go to Switzerland or have Homer get a new job doesn’t mean squat.

Mad Jon: I agree with all of your points.

  All I was trying to say is that I didn’t have to try quite as hard to make it thorough the episode without shutting off the TV or gouging out my eyeballs.

Charlie Sweatpants: That’d make a good slogan for a show with such low standards: Now with Less Urge to Shut Off the TV!

Mad Jon: And also I can’t imagine spending any more time defending my assessment of “not quite as terrible as lately” is even remotely worth it.

My time may be better spent rubbing my index finger over my uvula.

“Now son, on your first day of school I’d like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me.” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly.  If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it.” – Abe Simpson

“Forget it, Marge, there is no way I’m spending my Saturdays at a museum.  Unless . . . museums don’t have foosball, do they?” – Homer Simpson

This week, we’ve got one link to an actual museum, one link to a Bart painting in an art gallery, and an awesome fan made digital gallery that contains a lot of Simpsons characters.  There’s also some excellent usage, an English grammar instructional video, a fan made plaque, and the worst non-Grammy award Zombie Simpsons has ever “won”. 

Enjoy.

Ink and the Bottle, Cartoon Museum, London – Cartoons written by drunks and about drinking are on display in London until February 13th.  Meanwhile, this is excellent usage:

"Ah Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk," chuckled Homer in an episode of The Simpsons. That comment gets to the nub of the occasionally questionable relationship between comedy and drink.

The episode in question is “Marge vs. the Monorail”, and while it sounds to me more like Homer says “Oh” than “Ah”, I’ve tried to type out various subtle, non-word vocalizations from The Simpsons enough times to know that I’m in no position to judge anyone else on it. 

Gerry Rafferty dies at 63 – A lot of obituaries of Rafferty found their way to my inbox this week, all because Lisa plays “Baker Street” at the end of “Lisa’s Sax”.  If you have ever done anything with The Simpsons, know that it will be mentioned when you die. 

Santa’s Little Helper… – Awww:

Apparently, it can still be yours:

This is a one-of-a kind hand-painted slate plaque shaped like a bone.  G Paul P painted this for the GFNJ Expo held last month.  It is still available!

Back to Work – My usual hatred of collectable crap notwithstanding, the little Devil Flanders doll is pretty cool. 

New Years in Knoxville – Yes:

My primary reason for wanting to go to Knoxville was influenced by an episode of The Simpsons where Bart and company take a kid road trip down to the city.

[…]

Will we see the sunsphere up close? I hope it’s open on New Year’s day.

For a picture of the fabulous Sunsphere, click here.  Sadly, no wigs. 

Fried f’in’ Pork Chops – Homer would definitely like those pork chops, especially at 4am on Christmas Day. 

Present Continuous Simpson Video – Teaching English as a second language through Simpsons.  (Though I’m pretty sure that should be “Homer is eating . . . as usual” at the 0:40 mark.) 

Bart Simpson @ Yerba Buena Art Gallery – Bart looks distinctly nervous to be spear fighting that pumpkin head guy. 

My Art Work – A gallery of sixteen fan made drawings, most of which are Simpsons related.  I like Buddha Homer:

Reality TV with a dose of fiction – This is about a new show that blurs the clear lines between fiction and reality in that Matt LeBlanc, faded teevee star, plays “Matt LeBlanc”, faded teevee star.  But it opens by crediting The Simpsons for these kind of things:

Although Tony Bennett might point to a chart-topping career that began with his first number-one single 60 years ago, some might argue that the American crooner holds an even greater achievement: that of being the first person to play himself on The Simpsons.

Bennett’s appearance as himself on the 1990 episode Dancing Homer would open the floodgates to a steady flow of well-known personalities given a good yellowy transformation on the series. In more than 2000 episodes, the likes of Larry King, Tom Jones, Hugh Hefner, James Brown, Paul and Linda McCartney, Elton John, Britney Spears, Stephen Hawking, Rupert Murdoch, Tony Blair and countless others would lend their vocals to cartoon renditions of themselves, often agreeing to considerable amounts of mockery in the process.

It goes on to discuss Curb Your Enthusiasm and Extras. 

Homer’s Night Out – Animated .gif of how Homer remembers his evening.  Easily the best part of “Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken”. 

Happy New Year From The Azn Badger! – Yes, there’s a YouTube of “You Don’t Win Friends with Salad”, but the real reason to click is the Spam sushi.  Yes, you read that right. 

Spontaneuosly Simpson – A young man’s paean to Homer, devoid of Zombie Simpsons and including this delightful little nugget:

Peter Griffin is a poor man’s Homer Simpson and anyone who does not see that needs to go watch the first 5 seasons of The Simpsons.

Twilight Tops People’s Choice Awards – I wouldn’t click this, if I were you.  I’m just putting it here to note that receiving the same award that a Twilight movie does, as Zombie Simpsons did, isn’t exactly an honor. 

So there is a Trillion Dollar note… – Who says Robert Mugabe’s disastrous policies never led to anything good? 

Homer Simpson’s Top 10 Inventory Management Tips – Part 1 – This guy is selling some kind of QuickBooks add-on that I don’t care about, but at a glance his Homer quotes appear correct, well done on that. 

Mrs. Pummelhorse – A quick shaky-cam YouTube from “The PTA Disbands”. 

Cancel The Simpsons? – This is a bit more forgiving than I am, but it’s nice to see:

It’s done. It’s like an old, blind dog walking around the house trying to find food. Yeah, you feel sentimental about it, and it’s fun to watch on occasion. But for the most part, you wish you could put it out of its misery.

The Simpsons is like that dog.

Is “The Simpsons” Losing Its Quality? – And finally, one more person out there who agrees with us:

Sad to say it however, at the end of the episode; I was disappointed, severely let down and once again left with the same feeling I get after watching the new episodes of The Simpsons; its tedious, its not funny and its completely lost all quality and originality.

Yes, yes it has.

“It all happened in 1990.  Back then, the artist formerly known as Prince was currently known as Prince, Tracy Ullman was entertaining America with songs, sketches, and crudely drawn filler material.” – Homer Simpson

This week we’ve got several links to blasts from the past, everything from a great bootleg t-shirt, fake grunge in Tampa, and old political controversies to some moonlighting Groening once did for Apple.  There’s even a story that involves a fax machine.  How quaint things used to be.  There’s also several kinds of usage, a cool looking show coming up in New York City, and some very technical audio information.

Enjoy.

Infographic: The Complete History Of Video Games On “The Simpsons” – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this chart (there’s also a slideshow) depicting the fake games that have been on the show.  You may notice that things start to get a little thin in Zombie Simpsons.

Duplex Cabaret Theatre Presents WE PUT THE SPRING IN SPRINGFIELD, 6/23 – This advertisement for an Off Off Broadway show about music from The Simpsons is bursting with win.  Not only are there no songs from Zombie Simpsons (not that there are many to choose from in the first place), but it is chock full of references:

The only cure for Simpsons fever is to take two tickets and call us in the morning. Tickets should not be taken internally.

I, for one, welcome our new leviathan overlords. – Ha.  This is cool.  Someone sat down and actually figured out if all the excess blubber in the country really would fill the Grand Canyon 2/5 of the way up.  Even using a definition of “healthy” that would make us a nation of twig people, there just isn’t that much fat.  Having been to the Grand Canyon, this does not surprise me.  It is, indeed, a very big canyon.  (Oh, and because I must nitpick, the quote there is slightly off.  Brockman says “American adults”, not “Americans”.  Other than that it’s spot on.)

Cinemart – Awesome fan made image of Charlie Brown giving Homer a haircut.

Here’s To The Sun – Bart Simpson – A fan made image of a relaxed looking Bart.  Instead of trying to describe it further, I’ll just copy and paste the tags on the post:

This entry was posted on June 8, 2011. It was filed under Art and was tagged with Art, Weed, Marijuana, High, Faded, Shrooms, The Simpsons, Bart Simpson.

Seems about right.

Concert-goers embrace nostalgia at Monkees show – The Monkees are on tour this summer:

“The Monkees weren’t about music,” Marge’s psychiatrist tells her in an episode of “The Simpsons.” “They were about rebellion, about political and social upheaval!”

Excellent usage.

It’s 1989. The Simpsons creator Matt Groening is drawing for Apple Computer. – Right about the time The Simpsons were moving to the production of full episodes, Groening drew some Life in Hell style cartoons for a brochure trying to sell Macintosh computers to college students.  Of the different types of people he describes (“The Procrastinator”, “The Imperfectionist”), I’ll admit to being the very Milhouse looking “Technoid”.

The Most 1991 T-Shirt Of All Time Has Surfaced – Bart Simpson as Michael Jordan quoting M.C. Hammer.  You’ve been warned.

The Novels of John Swartzwelder, the Most Prolific Simpsons Writer Ever – Reviews of all of those self published novels Swartzwelder likes to write.

Anthony Weiner’s Sex Scandal…In 10 Words – To be fair, one of those images is of Homer’s butt, not Bart’s.

Simpsons Zombimation – A YouTube video of zombie clips from “Treehouse of Horror III” with music from what sounds like Resident Evil 1.  It’s not that impressive, but it’s about Simpsons and zombies and that’s enough for a link.

It hurts, but I’m on the road to physical fitness – A newspaper man makes a summer resolution to get back in shape:

I can’t help but think of the episode of The Simpsons where Homer put on a ridiculous amount of weight in order to go on worker’s compensation — “Marge, the thin, lazy Homer Simpson you knew is no more. Now, I’m a big fat dynamo!”

He got the second sentence right, but the first part is actually, “The slim, lazy Homer you knew is dead.”  Moderate usage.

Audio Implementation Greats #2: Audio Toolsets [Part 2] – This is pretty much for audiophiles only, but if you scroll to the bottom here you can see some screen grabs from a presentation EA games gave about the sound design of The Simpsons Game.  There’s even a link to download their actual Power Point file.

“I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. -Bart Simpson – Freakoutville FTW.

Simpsons Video of the Week: Space Chips. – Lenny Tunes continues to find excellent YouTube week in, week out.  And:

“Careful, they’re ruffled!” has to be the best line delivery by a non-actor in the history of television.

Agreed.

Quote of the Day: Animation Domination Week – Lenny Tunes also brings us quotations with excellent stage direction of Bart’s epidermis related mishap.

How do you balance a top tech education with advertising in schools? – Panasonic put a bunch of fancy electronics in a school in Australia, but they also put up a ton of signs with their logo on it and renamed part of the library the “Panasonic Interactive Learning Common”.  This prompted a mention and a picture of Troy McClure teaching “Pepsi presents Addition and Subtraction”.  Excellent usage.

Chilli cook-off will be hot stuff – Awesome:

A passion for chilli con carne and cult cartoon The Simpsons has prompted a Reading man to launch a culinary first in the town.

Jon Doody is organising the First Annual Reading Chilli Cook-Off and seven teams threw their toques into the ring as soon as entries were invited.

[…]

Mr Doody has been a committed chilli fan and cook for more than 25 years. A classic episode of The Simpsons, where Homer hallucinates after eating Chief Wiggum’s chilli at the Springfield cook-off, fired his enthusiasm even further.

But a search for a cook-off to attend and perhaps enter here proved fruitless – and the idea for the Reading event was born.

MGM to Develop ‘Punk Farm’ Animated Movie – Longtime Simpsons director David Silverman is going to direct a computer animated adaptation of a novel about a bunch of farm animals who form a punk band.  It’s co-written by a guy named “David Stern”, but he appears not to be the David Stern who worked on The Simpsons.

Great mistakes in politics (No22) – Bush and Quayle attack sitcoms – A brief recounting, with YouTube, of Bush the Elder’s fight with The Simpsons and Dan Quayle’s fight with Murphy Brown.

Cupcake set the simpson and family – Some rather Gumby looking Simpsons cupcakes.

Cake Simpsons – From the same site as the link above, a cake in which Homer’s body is a donut.

Who Inspired Duff Beer? – Slightly more information on that Duff Beer/Duff McKagan (former bassist for Guns N’ Roses) thing:

In a recent interview he said,  ”Our management for GN’R got a fax but it was from like an adult cartoon.  Now there wasn’t any adult cartoons in 1988.  There just wasn’t and like, ‘an adult cartoon?’  They want to use your name as the name of the beer on the thing and they just want your blessing.  It’s not like I own the name Duff, I should’ve trademarked that thing on up if I would’ve known but yeah, that think took off, that Simpsons deal.”

A fax?  How delightfully 1988.  I remain skeptical about the “inspired” part, but that is kinda funny.

Hallmark Unveils Plans for Comic-Con 2011 – Hallmark will be selling shitty little Comic Book Guy figurines at Comic-Con.  Feel the excitement.

Somehow, Jethro Tull Toppled Metallica for a Grammy Upset – This is an excellent reference:

One of the best moments on The Simpsons was in a 1993 episode in which we learned that Homer, Principal Skinner, Barney, and Apu were in a barbershop quartet called The Be Sharps. The group was so good that they won a Grammy award for best “Barbershop Quartet Album.” At one point, Homer doesn’t have change to tip a bellboy, so he offers him his Grammy statue. The bellboy, after seeing it’s a Grammy, throws it off a balcony, and an off-screen voice yells, “Hey, don’t throw your garbage down here.” Yeah, it was a sick burn.

The story goes on to recount the time Jethro Tull won the “Best Hard Rock/Metal” Grammy over Metallica, but it doesn’t mention the other Simpsons reference to that incident in Season 11’s “Behind the Laughter”.

F—ed Up Mark ‘Last Chapter of This Era’ With ‘David Comes to Life’ Rock Opera – Nice reference:

“We’re ready to talk about our feelings now.” In theory F—ed Up guitarist Josh Zucker’s explanation of why they aren’t making so many songs like ‘Police’ anymore makes perfect sense. But in terms of whether he’s being ironic, like the kid in ‘The Simpsons’ episode about Lollapalooza, dude, we don’t even know anymore.

The Tampa Bay Rays Do Grunge All Wrong – The Tampa Bay Rays apparently like to get dressed up together.  In this case they’re trying to look like Seattle area rock stars circa 1991.  Of more importance is excellent dig at Zombie Simpsons:

This is embarrassing. Not quite as embarrassing as “The Simpsons” episode in which the tale of Homer and Marge’s college romance is set in the ’90s, and Homer lives a life much like Kurt Cobain’s, but it’s close.

5 TV Shows I Used to Watch, and Why I Stopped Watching Them – And finally, I get to end with someone who agrees with us:

Speaking of The Simpsons, this one really hurt. I was a Simpsons fanatic. I still am, but just for their earlier seasons. They were funny, dramatic, heartfelt, had subtle pop culture references, and had great storylines. But I think that’s where they went wrong. In more recent seasons they have started to get away from storyline development and are trying to be like a South Park/Family Guy type show where the jokes are extremely non sequitur, like this one. I miss when I actually cared about The Simpsons, because that was some of the best TV ever.

Indeed it was.

“I can assure you our preschool is of the highest quality.  Over 75% of our graduates go on to first grade.” – Miss Tillingham’s School for Snotty Girls and Mama’s Boys Administrator

It’s always nice to see people who worked on The Simpsons continue to do well, and we’ve got several of them this week.  Rich Moore (Seasons 1-5, 9), Donick Cary (Seasons 7-11), Greg Daniels (Season 5-9) and Mike Reiss (um, a lot of Seasons) all either have new projects in the works or are just getting some well deserved recognition.  There’s also a lot of great references and usage, a fantastic law school graduation gift, old Twilight Zone video, and a non-ironic award for being the biggest FOX marketing whore. 

Enjoy.

Seattle Rep Workshops New Play Inspired By The Simpsons July 15-16 – Want to see:

Seattle Repertory Theatre will workshop and perform two public readings of Anne Washburn’s new play Mr. Burns: A Post-Electric Play July 15 and 16 at 7:30 p.m. in the Poncho Forum. A play with music, Mr. Burns: A Post-Electric Play is set in a post-apocalyptic world where episodes of "The Simpsons" gain new significance as stories from a fallen civilization.

What are you really looking at when you think you’re looking at something? – This is neat.  Some researchers hooked people up to devices that measure where their eyes are actually focusing when they watch video.  There’s a clip from There Will Be Blood, a 2008 presidential debate, and the HD Zombie Simpsons opening sequence. 

Disney Announces CG Comedy Adventure Wreck-It Ralph – Disney is making a computer animated movie about a video game character, and it’s going to be directed by Simpsons (and Futurama and The Critic) alum Rich Moore. 

Saban Brands plots Christmas special – In other Simpsons alumni news, Mike Reiss is producing an animated holiday special based on monkey cartoon characters that originally started out as clothing accessories. 

Deal Me In: Startups Pursue Variations on the Groupon Model – Donick Cary is working on a discount group shopping application that uses animation to get people’s attention.  Or something, neither the link above nor this one are super clear on just how it works. 

Film Geek: Favorite Star Wars references & spoofs, part II – There’s everything from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Futurama, including some Simpsons stuff.  I’ll admit to being slightly disappointed in the inclusion of some Zombie Simpsons while Burns having the “Imperial March” played for him gets omitted.  Oh well, it’s still a pretty good list.

The Twilight Zone: The Shelter – YouTube of The Twilight Zone episode on which the end of “Bart’s Comet” is based. 

VEGAS 2011: Ink honoured by Fox Consumer Products – Apparently the Krusty Brand Seal of Approval has its own awards show now:

The firm was awarded Agent of the Year at The Homeys – which are given annually by Fox Consumer Products to its partners for outstanding achievement.

Slow clap.  Slow clap. 

Apple/Samsung lawsuit revised: more products included – This isn’t the world’s greatest reference or anything, I just like the way it completely describes The Simpsons in the past tense:

Remember those Itchy and Scratchy cartoons that would show up in episodes of The Simpsons from time to time? They were like Tom and Jerry, but uncensored. One clip I can remember shows Itchy trying to outdo Scratchy by threatening him with a larger weapon than the one he was holding. Itchy retaliated with an even bigger one. And so, the duel continued until they had guns the size of the planet. That is exactly what this Apple vs. Samsung lawsuit is turning in to.

The man behind The Office has long history in comedy – Unlike the other Simpsons alums in this week’s post, Greg Daniels doesn’t have a shiny new project.  But here’s some deserved butt kissing for him anyway, including this fawning whoopsie:

In fact, it was The Simpsons connection that first endeared Daniels to Gervais and Stephen Merchant, the creators of the original British version of the Office.

When the British comedian discovered that Daniels had written Badman Homer, in which the Simpson patriarch becomes public enemy No. 1 after being falsely accused of sexual harassment by a feminist-leaning babysitter, they knew they had their man.

Review: Duke Nukem Forever (PC) – Heh:

Duke Nukem was one of the “raddest” video game action heroes of the late 80′s/early 90′s. It was a simple time – Unsolved Mysteries was scary, The Simpsons were funny, and the Australian Classification Board was run by SEGA.

Make your Franklin – This is a number of alternate images of a $100 bill, with Benjamin Franklin either altered to look like someone from pop culture or replaced by same.  They’re neat, if weird.  For example, the Homer one also has a Disney swastika.  Huh?

Top Five – T.V. Dads – Homer checks in at #3 here.

Top 20 TV Theme Songs of All Time – Lots of good nostalgia YouTube here, with The Simpsons grabbing the penultimate spot. 

Simpsons Video of the Week: Al Gore – Lenny, who’s got a guest post coming up next week, brings us video of Al Gore celebrating. 

The 2011 Tony Awards…In 10 Words – Here are your hosts, Tyne Daly and Hal Linden. 

Like Wearing Nothing at All, Nothing at All … – This Captain Marvel action figure bears a striking resemblance to skiing Flanders.

Natural History: Anthony Lepore and Mark Hagen – Nice reference:

Nature still does this sometimes, but as in Werner Herzog‘s Grizzly Man, there’s some element of collective dumb surprise when a modern man who frolics with wild bears gets eaten by one, as if nature hadn’t got the memo we’d already beaten it. A classroom nature film from The Simpsons sums it up best: Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory.

Five Terrifying Treehouse of Horror Segments – Not a trace of Zombie Simpsons.  Excellent.

PlayStation Vita: It Only Does Too Much At Once – Excellent reference:

Fans of The Simpsons know the episode, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" where Homer receives the green light to design his own car, an opportunity that proves disastrous when he throws practicality out the window in favor of bloated excess.

The point? Less is more. That, and Homer should keep his day job at the power plant.

It’s a memorable scene (Homer grinning from inside the automobile, his brother’s successful career evaporating before our eyes), one we cannot shake since experiencing PlayStation Vita, Sony’s new portable system. It’s without question one sexy piece of hardware, but the chance of Sony overextending itself is quite real.

I would drive a Homer.  I don’t know if I’d pay $82,000 for it, but I would drive it. 

A little touch of Springfield – I put this up on Twitter on Monday, but it’s too cool not to mention again.  A woman carved 71 plywood Simpsons figures for her son’s graduation from law school in 2008.  The picture is amazing. 

‘The Killing’ Gets Picked Up For Season 2 – Heh:

To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "I suppose ‘The Killing’ will be fun enough."

DRINK(s): Bartender Interview at the Beach Tavern – Moderate usage:

Homer Simpson once said, "The only guys who wear Hawaiian shirts are gay guys and big fat party animals." Mark Gill, bartender of the Beach Tavern, is the latter.

The actual quote is, “There’s only two kinds of guys who wear those shirts, gay guys and big fat party animals”, but I don’t think that would’ve worked as well in the sentence. 

The Wry Successes of Archer – But Do They Come Too Late? – This is a rather long discourse on the rise and fall of smart animation on things like Adult Swim.  I don’t agree with the main premise, that the fantastic Archer is behind the times, but I do agree with this:

The Simpsons was slipping in its old age, but still kicking (it’s never really been again what it was in the nineties).

If there’s one thing Zombie Simpsons does, it’s kick.  Mostly it’s audience, but still. 

“Homer, I can’t get the baby to burp.  Could you try for a while?” – Marge Simpson
“No problem, I’ll just give her a sip of beer.  C’mon Maggie, it’s Miller time.” – Homer Simpson

“Bart was feeling mighty blue.” – Homer Simpson
“It’s a shame what school can do.” – Marge Simpson
“For no reason, here’s Apu.” – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Let me start by saying something nice.  It was cool of them to use that one-man rendition of the theme over the end credits.  It blew up on-line a few months ago and everybody loved it, and it’s heartening to see someone get recognition for a genuinely creative endeavor like that. 

Unfortunately, the end credits were about the only part of the episode where there was any spirit of craftsmanship or care.  Everything leading up to them (including the Game of Thrones intro which went on way too long) was a shoddy conglomeration of half considered ideas, time killing filler, and at least three different plot threads, not one of which managed to resolve itself or make any sense.  Bart as a street artist?  That’s not a terrible concept, but in the hands of Zombie Simpsons it turns into a gala opening that was apparently a police sting, except for the three million dollars in sales and post arrest autograph session.  Homer and Apu fighting with tiny plastic cocktail swords?  Another not-terrible idea.  Any time those things are around it’s virtually impossible not to want to do that, but that doesn’t mean we want to see it played out seriously for a full minute.  It gets boring faster than that even when you’re the person doing it. 

Speaking of Apu, he was apparently in this episode, though to what purpose other than yelling incoherently remains unclear.  In an episode about the Kwik-E-Mart closing, in which “Kwik-E-Mark” is in the title, there literally wasn’t a single scene set inside the store.  Apu only had three scenes, the opening sword fight, a failed robbery, and then the redemption where he and Manjula repeated the word “monkey” at one another.  (As is typical for Zombie Simpsons, Jan Hooks didn’t get to do the voice of Manjula.)  I think that was supposed to be the B-plot, but the B-plot might also have been Homer’s suddenly hurt feelings and then the immediate redemption of said hurt feelings.  Neither was on-screen long enough to make a compelling case, though Dan Castellaneta’s lungs did get a workout, as Jerkass Homer spent a great deal of screen time yelling and screaming.

Anyway, the numbers are in and they are wretched.  Last night’s empty spray can of an episode was dejectedly shaken by a mere 5.17 million viewers.  That’s good for seventh on the all time least watched list, and drags Season 23 further into uncharted depths in terms of average viewers.  Excluding the post-NFL playoff episode, Zombie Simpsons hasn’t even come close to breaking six million viewers since December. 

“And so, Springfield’s heatwave continues.  With today’s temperature exceeding the record for this date, set way back four billion years ago when the Earth was just a ball of molten lava.” – Kent Brockman 

It may be the summer doldrums, it may be something else, but it’s a short Reading Digest this week (and my apologies to the several of you who’ve e-mailed in and to whom I’ve not responded; been that kind of week).  We do have an inordinate number of 10s this week though, a couple of lists and three entries from our old friend Galileo’s “In 10 Words”.  There’s also some usage, one more review of “The Longest Daycare” that says it’s much better than Ice Age 4, and an awesome list of wildly stupid (potential) Zombie Simpsons plots. 

Enjoy.

10 Frequently Used Simpsons Quotes – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this excellent collection (with lots of YouTube) from our old friend ilmozart.  The best part about it is, not only are there no Zombie Simpsons quotes, but many of them aren’t the ones you usually see on quote lists.  Bravo.

Quote Hanger – A quote blog hits on some of Homer’s best advice to Bart.  (Though since nits must be picked, Homer actually says “the three little sentences”, not just “three sentences”.)

The 10 Dumbest "Sports" of the Summer Olympics – Excellent usage:

8. Trampoline
Sure, trampolines are lots of fun. And as the character Todd Flanders once noted on The Simpsons, each leap on the spring-loaded canvas "brings us closer to God." But an Olympic sport? In 2000 the IOC agreed with young Flanders when — to the dismay of the pogo-stick and hulu-hoop lobbies — it vaulted trampoline jumping from backyard activity to the pantheon of the Olympic games.

Catch them, Lord, catch them!

Homer Simpson Beer Poses (20 Photos) – Lots of images of Homer (mostly with beer), some fan made, some not.  The one of him alone on the couch is particularly well done.

The Dark Knight Rises…In 10 Words – There are a lot of Simpsons/Batman quotes, but there really was no way not to use that one last Friday.

Sally Ride…In 10 Words – How doth the hero, strong and brave, a celestial path in the heavens pave.

The Watch…In 10 Words – Now Ben Stiller is off to battle aliens in a far off galaxy.  That sounds like a good movie.  Yes, a movie, yes.

Flanders’ field – Everyone loves Harry Shearer, even cynical DJ members of Generation X.

Grampa Simpson by ~GreenDayFanGirl on deviantART – He’s even wearing Napoleon’s hat!

People Who Look Like Things… – The animated .gif.

Pro Community – A Community fan sees the torch of best show being passed from The Simpsons to South Park to Community.

Top 10 Novelty Songs – Pretty much what it says, with “Do the Bartman” checking in at #5.

Review: “The Simpsons: The Longest Daycare” – A long and thoughtful review of both Ice Age 4 and “The Longest Daycare” from a guy who has kids and thinks most daycare places suck. 

Kickin’ Skulls Y’all – Excellent reference in a comic book review:

Zubkavich and Huang do very well together in marrying the four genres, though comedy is their priority. The above page conveys the hilarity of our heroes escaping the flaming scene of a crime with the same casual tenseness of a Simpsons “I left your present in the car” gag. Allow me to explain, without the aid of asterisk OR parenthesis, The Simpsons “I left your present in the car” gag. Often, a negligent character, like Homer J. Simpson, will have forgotten to buy a present for his wife, or one of his children. Upon being reminded of the birthday, anniversary, etc., he will then say that the present is…in the car…yeah, with appropriate hesitation and pauses, for comedic effect. The rest of the gag is pulled off via off screen audio, as we hear him slam the door, run to the car, start the car, and drive it away quickly. To see it in action, please view “Treehouse of Horror III,” which is in the fourth season of The Simpsons.

2012 Election: Why Voting Third Party is Not (Necessarily) “Throwing Your Vote Away” – Moderate usage:

Even though both “candidates” run on a platform of enslaving people to build a ray gun capable of obliterating a distant planet, Americans still vote en masse for either Kang or Kodos due to their party affiliations. When someone raises the option of voting for a third-party candidate who has the best interests of humanity at heart, Kang responds with “fine, throw your vote away!”, implying that a vote for a third-party candidate is a waste. The people largely respond, putting Kang — and his platform of universal human enslavement — into office.

He actually says, “Go ahead, throw your vote away!”.

Let’s Play A Game: Your Best Hypothetical Late-Era Simpsons Synopsis. – And finally, I get to end the way I like, with someone who agrees with us:

Incredibly, "The Simpsons" has been shit-awful for more than twice as long as it was ever good (seasons one and two are a wash, with a couple exceptions in the second; seasons three to nine are among the Top Five Things Ever On TV; seasons ten through 23–23!–are varying degrees of total garbage).

I stand by every episode in Season 2, but if you showed me a list of the insane plots they came up with next to a list of the insane plots that will actually be in Season 24, I might have a hard time telling which is which.  Thanks to reader Adrian for the tip!  

“Bart, son, you want to play catch?” – Homer Simpson
“No.” – Bart Simpson
“When a boy doesn’t want to play catch with his old man something is seriously wrong.” – Homer Simpson
“I’ll play catch with you, son.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Get the hell out.” – Homer Simpson
“I’m gone.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“Lisa, if I have five apples and I take away three apples, how many apples do I have left?” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor
“Two apples.” – Lisa Simpson
“Wait a minute . . . she’s right!” – Homer Simpson

This week we’ve got several links that note just how bad Zombie Simpsons is, including one that basically confirms the analysis I did for the mini-book.  There’s also lots of lists with little to no Zombie Simpsons, countdowns that penalize the show for Zombie Simpsons, and even Zombie Simpsons making a list it isn’t even on!  In addition to all that, we’ve got several excellent pieces of fan art (including two cool posters and a potential T-shirt that could use some votes), a Marge skateboard, Hitchcock, and plenty of substance abuse. 

Enjoy.

Kalkalash! Pinpointing the Moments “The Simpsons” became less Cromulent – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is someone who agrees with us so completely that s/he may be my long lost twin or something:

For me, and most others, the latter episodes bear little resemblance to older ones. The current incarnation of the show is stale, and has been for a long time. I haven’t watched a new episode in over ten years, and don’t intend to any time soon. When did this decline begin? Was it part of a slow secular trend, or was there a sudden drop in the quality, from which there was no recovery?

To answer these questions I use the Global Episode Opinion Survey (GEOS) episode ratings data, which are published online.

I’ve never heard of GEOS, but it’d make a nice addition to Chapter 1, because it confirms pretty much everything we’ve been saying here for the last four years, right down to the stages of decline.  Click through for the full data, which is presented in easy to understand graphical form. 

5 Fitness Lessons I Learned from The Simpsons – A personal trainer discusses her profession through her love of the show.  Plus you can see her kickass “Homer Defined” tattoo! 

Olly Moss Pays Homage To The Simpsons With His “Stop The Planet of The Apes, I Want To Get Off” Musical Poster – Click this.  It is awesome. 

Simpsons Army of Darkness – Not sure of the original source here, but it is only slightly less awesome than the above.  The tagline is perfect: “Trapped in Time.  Surrounded by Evil.  Low on Duff.”.  Well done, somebody. 

A Pocket Companion to Books from The Simpsons, by O. Lebrun – The things you find in Museum shops these days.

Score Marge Simpson – A Threadless T-shirt vote with six days left for Marge as a smoking, pissed off looking middle-aged woman. 

Dial H For Hitchcock: An In-Depth Discussion About ‘The Master of Suspense’ – Someone who knows more about Hitchcock than I do has a list:

The Simpsons have constantly paid homage to Hitchcock over the years with references to The Birds, Rear Window, Sabateur, Psycho, Spellbound, North by Northwest and most recently, Strangers on a Train for their Halloween special, “Treehouse of Horror XX”. The segment was called “Dial M for Murder or Press # To Return To Main Menu” but had a plot that parodied Strangers on a Train and pushed a Hitchcock looking character off Mt. Rushmore, where Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint scramble for freedom in the film, North by Northwest‘s final scene.

That first link leads to Category:Hitchcock references in The Simpsons at a Hitchcock wiki.  Warning: bit of a time suck. 

The Simpsons’ Craziest Example of Drug Abuse – Hmm, I’m not really sure what would happen to a grown man taking estrogen pills, but I can’t imagine it would be fun:

The Simpsons’ Season 4 episode the “New Kid on the Block” contains what has to be the most insanely casual depiction of drug abuse in television history.  In the episode, Homer goes through the neighbors’ trash, steals prescription medication, and binges on it while relaxing on the couch. Zero repercussions, repeat none, are shown or even implied by this unbelievably irresponsible behavior. All that happens is Marge barely registering her concern with Homer’s behavior and Homer remarking that he is not getting enough Estrogen.

I dunno, Fry’s “So I stayed home and got trashed on Listerine” in Futurama’s “A Head in the Polls” has always struck me as pretty casual. 

Top Ten Alcohol Moments in Media- A Mexican Standoff – And while we’re on the subject of substance abuse, a list of TV drinking that, by necessity, includes Moe’s.

10 of some of the best classic Simpsons episodes (According to me). Emphasise on the word ‘SOME’, I know most have an episode that you hold dear in your heart, but considering the structure of most lists, I had to choose 10, which was a daunting task for me. It’s a daunting task for any kid who grew up with this legendary show. – Yes, that is the whole link, but it is a perfectly cromulent list, with nothing past Season 9.

The Top 9 ‘Treehouse of Horror’ Segments – There’s one from Zombie Simpsons (Season 13) here, but overall it’s a very solid list.

Top 10 Cameos in ‘The Simpsons’ (Round 1) – There’s also one from Zombie Simpsons here, but just one and there’s shakycam YouTube of Bette Midler’s aggressive environmentalism. 

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 18) – The elimination bracket continues.  This one is “Treehouse of Horror IV” versus “Marge on the Lam”, which is a good example of why I will never do a favorite episodes list.  How the hell do you pick between Homer selling his soul for a donut and Lionel Hutz babysitting?  I feel conflicted just asking the question.

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part V: 20-16 – Still clean of Zombie Simpsons . . .

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part VI: 15-11 – . . . and this one has an animated .gif of Grimes killing himself. 

Stuart’s Top 30 Sitcoms of All Time: Part 4 (#15 – #11) – The show checks in at #11 here, with Zombie Simpsons being an explicit penalty:

If they’d stopped around the 200 mark it would have been a strong contender for the top 5.

Futurama Canceled. Again. Along With Ugly Americans and The Cleveland Show. – I missed this:

Ugh. Comedy Central did it again. I’m sure most people know by now, but Futurama is canceled. Again. By Comedy Central.

So is Ugly Americans.

I liked Ugly Americans.  It never seemed to quite find it’s footing, but it could produce some pretty funny episodes. 

Remember the (Awesome TV Day That Is) The Sabbath and Keep It Holy – In which an intrepid blogger describes how The Simpsons got him started on a lifelong habit of watching TV on Sunday. 

The Simpsons: Tapped Out – Sadly, since I now almost exclusively watch ripped DVD copies on my computer, I’ve gotten pretty rusty at this:

Anyone who knows me will know I’m a pretty big Simpsons fan. I’m one of those people that will randomly quote it and crack myself up doing so and I can pretty much tell you which episode is playing after watching the first 30 seconds.

Back when only first few seasons were in syndication I could get a lot of them on the opening establishing shot alone.  Ah, memories. 

THE SIMPSONS – Hmm, art project or cassette release of “Do the Bartman”?  I don’t know.

Marge Simpson Skateboard Deck – Pretty much what it says, and she’s definitely got the hair for it.  I’m not a skateboarder, but it does look a little odd that the thing follows the shape of her head and hair rather than being the usual skateboard shape with an image. 

Reverse product placement? whats that? – Some examples of fictional products that became real, including the license challenged Duff. 

I Know It When I See It: Scrimshaw and Whale Bone Porn – Seems someone went Helen Lovejoy over some mildly racy ye olde tyme drawings, ignoring the real problem with scrimshaw: Sideshow Bob wants to revive it.  And he’s an evil genius.

Burgos…. – Your 2010 World Cup champions drawn Simpsons style. 

Pain & Gain…In 10 Words – Now step over to the abdominator and I will shout slogans at you.  (On a related note, that movie was – to my complete surprise – rather good.)

A Talking Cat?!…In 10 Words – The cat?  What’s the point? 

Candy Crush Saga…In 10 Words – Because, a lot of workers really like candy.

Yeardley Smith On Comfort, Style and Reinventing Women’s Shoes – An interview with Smith about her shoe line. 

Universal Orlando Transformers readies to open as Summer approaches – There’s a Flickr slideshow here of the Simpsons area under construction.  That is all.

‘Under the Dome’ to give ‘Simpsons’ shout-out – CBS is making a mini-series based on the Stephen King book about the town that gets trapped like carrots.  It will contain a brief mention of the movie.

Style Inspiration: Marge Simpson – How to dress like Marge without it being a Halloween costume.

Found this so COOL.=) – A drawing of famous fictional female haircuts. 

Moleman In The Morning. – I have no idea what this is or is going to be, but the subtitle is “A Simpsons blog about the agonizing pain in which I live every day.”.  It’s got a good title, that’s for sure. 

Cod aren’t coming back — yet – Moderate usage:

Under the sea

there’ll be no accusations,

Just tasty crustaceans.

— Homer Simpson

The baldheaded buffoon of the popular cartoon (The Simpsons) could have been talking about the Northwest Atlantic.

Homer actually calls them “friendly” crustaceans, but other than that it’s dead on.

5 Cancelled TV Shows That Got Given A Reprieve – Just another reminder that, fan wise, people don’t care about the continuation of Zombie Simpsons:

You know, I find it kind of humorous that Matt Groening has two shows that will appear on two separate lists on these kinds of websites. The Simpsons will frequently pop up on people’s lists of shows which need to be mercifully killed off. Then there will be Futurama, which will pop on lists like the one I’m writing here, about shows which were killed off and eventually brought back to life.

That’s how low Zombie Simpsons’ reputation has sunk, it’s cancellation gets mentioned even on lists it isn’t on. 

“The point I’m trying to make here is that Bart must learn to be less of an individual and more a faceless slug.” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor

“And the ugly duckling was amazed to realize it had grown into a beautiful swan.  So you see children, there is hope for anyone.” – Kindergarten Teacher
“Even me?” – Bart Simpson
“No.” – Kindergarten Teacher

“Marge, name one successful person who ever lived without air conditioning?” – Homer Simpson
“Balzac.” – Marge Simpson
“No need for potty mouth just because you can’t think of one.” – Homer Simpson

“And so, just as things looked their worst…” – Marge Simpson
“I realized I could make money selling my medication to Deadheads.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Grampa, what are you talking about?” – Marge Simpson
“Uh, nothing.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson

“I have soy milk.  The doctor says the real kind could kill me.” – Milhouse van Houten

Happy (one day belated) birthday, Pamela Hayden!  

“We’ve needed a new air conditioner for years!  And our stop gap solution is getting cranky.” – Homer Simpson

“Homer, I want you to look at this drawing Bart did.” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, it’s beautiful!  Oh, let’s put Bart’s beautiful drawing up on the fridge-” – Homer Simpson
“Homer, stop!  Would you please look at the drawing?” – Marge Simpson
“Oh, alright . . . Ahh!  Burn it!  Send it to hell!” – Homer Simpson
“I think we’re going to have to get Bart some help.” – Marge Simpson
“Get it away.” – Homer Simpson

Very short Reading Digest this week as pretty much everything tagged “Simpsons” on the internet was linked to FOX’s big marketing push for the new season, which is now a terrifyingly close nine days away.  I did pluck one link from the publicity spew, but it’s just Jean saying things you’ve seen him say before.  Other than that we do have some excellent fan art, Korean rock stars getting in on the fashionable clothing thing, world record tattoos, and a well thought out top 25 list.

Enjoy.

Simpsons season 27: Al Jean talks Homer and Marge’s separation, and more: Interview – Jean doing a publicity interview for the new season.  No real news here, he’s just pimping this year’s version of zany stuff with lots of celebrity guest voices.

Man with over 200 tattoos of The Simpsons characters confirmed as record holder – Well done, sir (though how you get a total number out of that impressive scene is beyond me).

Homer LED Shirt – A shirt that lights up in the shape of that Homer x-ray picture with his tiny brain.  (via @RoyceMCutcheon)

Why Labor leader Bill Shorten is posing with a mysterious green rod – The inanimate carbon rod takes Australia by storm. (via @DailySimpsons)

Perfectly timed image captures hilarious moment between Marge and Homer Simpson – Cute.  (via @AlJean)

Happy birthday to The Prophet of Love, Larry, I mean, Barry White – Great YouTube here, including Simpsons clips.

A Fonz Gift Set: Embroidery & Painting – Great inscription usage on the bottom of the painting.

Creating My List of Top 25 Simpsons Episodes – This is why I don’t do lists.  It’s too stressful:

I will certainly be on there again tomorrow as even now I am feeling guilty about episodes currently not on the list and doubting whether I have got this right. There could definitely be some last minute changes.

My Top 25 Simpsons Episodes – And the results.  “Lemon of Troy” is an unusual but very worthy #1, and “Lisa’s First Word” at #2 is pretty good as well.

WIP Wednesday: Simpsons Couch #3 – Outline completed, and the beginnings of color.

S02 E21 – Three Men and a Comic Book – Glick is dead-on:

He goes and starts working for her, doing all sorts of terrible manual labor while Mrs. Glick watches soap operas, and just generally acts like every super old lady I’ve ever met in my life. Mrs. Glick was hilarious. To the old candy and the creepy décor, everything about her was perfect. I also laughed my ass off when she was watching the soap opera and said “Filthy…but genuinely arousing.”

S02 E22 – Blood Feud – It is nice to just hang out with the old ones:

Season finale! Already through 2 seasons, and man do I have to say that I’m loving this show again. I’d really forgotten how great it was, and just focused on how bad it got. And now I’m remembering why I was obsessed with this show growing up. It’s so hilarious, and manages to mix in just the perfect amount of humor that really makes for a perfect series. Although I have to admit, as much as I’m loving these classic episodes, I’m starting to dread when I get to the seasons that made me quit. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly where I fell off, and I’m not quite positive, but man this blog may change when I get there. Instead of a lovefest for an amazing show, it may become the bitter ramblings of a crazy person, before I fall into self-imposed Stockholm Syndrome.

S03 E01 – Stark Raving Dad – Remember when they knew how to use big name celebrities well?

S03 E02 – Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington – There’s nothing Homer wouldn’t do for that magazine.

Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington – Dueling reviews of twenty-four year old episodes!

STAYREAL ~ Simpsons ft. Jung Yonghwa – High fashion Simpsons clothing now comes with Korean boy bands.

New trending GIF tagged the simpsons alone bart… – He’s becoming isolated and weird.

“Bart, would you like to read a book?” – Marge Simpson
“No.” – Bart Simpson

♫”And Bingo was his name-0!”♫ – Bart Simpson
“Added extra clap.  Not college material.” – Kindergarten Teacher

Happy birthday Al Jean!

“Lisa, if I have five apples and I take away three apples, how many apples do I have left?” – Dr. J. Loren Pryor
“Two apples.” – Lisa Simpson
“Wait a minute . . . she’s right!” – Homer Simpson

This week we’ve got several links that note just how bad Zombie Simpsons is, including one that basically confirms the analysis I did for the mini-book.  There’s also lots of lists with little to no Zombie Simpsons, countdowns that penalize the show for Zombie Simpsons, and even Zombie Simpsons making a list it isn’t even on!  In addition to all that, we’ve got several excellent pieces of fan art (including two cool posters and a potential T-shirt that could use some votes), a Marge skateboard, Hitchcock, and plenty of substance abuse. 

Enjoy.

Kalkalash! Pinpointing the Moments “The Simpsons” became less Cromulent – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is someone who agrees with us so completely that s/he may be my long lost twin or something:

For me, and most others, the latter episodes bear little resemblance to older ones. The current incarnation of the show is stale, and has been for a long time. I haven’t watched a new episode in over ten years, and don’t intend to any time soon. When did this decline begin? Was it part of a slow secular trend, or was there a sudden drop in the quality, from which there was no recovery?

To answer these questions I use the Global Episode Opinion Survey (GEOS) episode ratings data, which are published online.

I’ve never heard of GEOS, but it’d make a nice addition to Chapter 1, because it confirms pretty much everything we’ve been saying here for the last four years, right down to the stages of decline.  Click through for the full data, which is presented in easy to understand graphical form. 

5 Fitness Lessons I Learned from The Simpsons – A personal trainer discusses her profession through her love of the show.  Plus you can see her kickass “Homer Defined” tattoo! 

Olly Moss Pays Homage To The Simpsons With His “Stop The Planet of The Apes, I Want To Get Off” Musical Poster – Click this.  It is awesome. 

Simpsons Army of Darkness – Not sure of the original source here, but it is only slightly less awesome than the above.  The tagline is perfect: “Trapped in Time.  Surrounded by Evil.  Low on Duff.”.  Well done, somebody. 

A Pocket Companion to Books from The Simpsons, by O. Lebrun – The things you find in Museum shops these days.

Score Marge Simpson – A Threadless T-shirt vote with six days left for Marge as a smoking, pissed off looking middle-aged woman. 

Dial H For Hitchcock: An In-Depth Discussion About ‘The Master of Suspense’ – Someone who knows more about Hitchcock than I do has a list:

The Simpsons have constantly paid homage to Hitchcock over the years with references to The Birds, Rear Window, Sabateur, Psycho, Spellbound, North by Northwest and most recently, Strangers on a Train for their Halloween special, “Treehouse of Horror XX”. The segment was called “Dial M for Murder or Press # To Return To Main Menu” but had a plot that parodied Strangers on a Train and pushed a Hitchcock looking character off Mt. Rushmore, where Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint scramble for freedom in the film, North by Northwest‘s final scene.

That first link leads to Category:Hitchcock references in The Simpsons at a Hitchcock wiki.  Warning: bit of a time suck. 

The Simpsons’ Craziest Example of Drug Abuse – Hmm, I’m not really sure what would happen to a grown man taking estrogen pills, but I can’t imagine it would be fun:

The Simpsons’ Season 4 episode the “New Kid on the Block” contains what has to be the most insanely casual depiction of drug abuse in television history.  In the episode, Homer goes through the neighbors’ trash, steals prescription medication, and binges on it while relaxing on the couch. Zero repercussions, repeat none, are shown or even implied by this unbelievably irresponsible behavior. All that happens is Marge barely registering her concern with Homer’s behavior and Homer remarking that he is not getting enough Estrogen.

I dunno, Fry’s “So I stayed home and got trashed on Listerine” in Futurama’s “A Head in the Polls” has always struck me as pretty casual. 

Top Ten Alcohol Moments in Media- A Mexican Standoff – And while we’re on the subject of substance abuse, a list of TV drinking that, by necessity, includes Moe’s.

10 of some of the best classic Simpsons episodes (According to me). Emphasise on the word ‘SOME’, I know most have an episode that you hold dear in your heart, but considering the structure of most lists, I had to choose 10, which was a daunting task for me. It’s a daunting task for any kid who grew up with this legendary show. – Yes, that is the whole link, but it is a perfectly cromulent list, with nothing past Season 9.

The Top 9 ‘Treehouse of Horror’ Segments – There’s one from Zombie Simpsons (Season 13) here, but overall it’s a very solid list.

Top 10 Cameos in ‘The Simpsons’ (Round 1) – There’s also one from Zombie Simpsons here, but just one and there’s shakycam YouTube of Bette Midler’s aggressive environmentalism. 

Best. Episode. Ever. (Round 18) – The elimination bracket continues.  This one is “Treehouse of Horror IV” versus “Marge on the Lam”, which is a good example of why I will never do a favorite episodes list.  How the hell do you pick between Homer selling his soul for a donut and Lionel Hutz babysitting?  I feel conflicted just asking the question.

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part V: 20-16 – Still clean of Zombie Simpsons . . .

My Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons Part VI: 15-11 – . . . and this one has an animated .gif of Grimes killing himself. 

Stuart’s Top 30 Sitcoms of All Time: Part 4 (#15 – #11) – The show checks in at #11 here, with Zombie Simpsons being an explicit penalty:

If they’d stopped around the 200 mark it would have been a strong contender for the top 5.

Futurama Canceled. Again. Along With Ugly Americans and The Cleveland Show. – I missed this:

Ugh. Comedy Central did it again. I’m sure most people know by now, but Futurama is canceled. Again. By Comedy Central.

So is Ugly Americans.

I liked Ugly Americans.  It never seemed to quite find it’s footing, but it could produce some pretty funny episodes. 

Remember the (Awesome TV Day That Is) The Sabbath and Keep It Holy – In which an intrepid blogger describes how The Simpsons got him started on a lifelong habit of watching TV on Sunday. 

The Simpsons: Tapped Out – Sadly, since I now almost exclusively watch ripped DVD copies on my computer, I’ve gotten pretty rusty at this:

Anyone who knows me will know I’m a pretty big Simpsons fan. I’m one of those people that will randomly quote it and crack myself up doing so and I can pretty much tell you which episode is playing after watching the first 30 seconds.

Back when only first few seasons were in syndication I could get a lot of them on the opening establishing shot alone.  Ah, memories. 

THE SIMPSONS – Hmm, art project or cassette release of “Do the Bartman”?  I don’t know.

Marge Simpson Skateboard Deck – Pretty much what it says, and she’s definitely got the hair for it.  I’m not a skateboarder, but it does look a little odd that the thing follows the shape of her head and hair rather than being the usual skateboard shape with an image. 

Reverse product placement? whats that? – Some examples of fictional products that became real, including the license challenged Duff. 

I Know It When I See It: Scrimshaw and Whale Bone Porn – Seems someone went Helen Lovejoy over some mildly racy ye olde tyme drawings, ignoring the real problem with scrimshaw: Sideshow Bob wants to revive it.  And he’s an evil genius.

Burgos…. – Your 2010 World Cup champions drawn Simpsons style. 

Pain & Gain…In 10 Words – Now step over to the abdominator and I will shout slogans at you.  (On a related note, that movie was – to my complete surprise – rather good.)

A Talking Cat?!…In 10 Words – The cat?  What’s the point? 

Candy Crush Saga…In 10 Words – Because, a lot of workers really like candy.

Yeardley Smith On Comfort, Style and Reinventing Women’s Shoes – An interview with Smith about her shoe line. 

Universal Orlando Transformers readies to open as Summer approaches – There’s a Flickr slideshow here of the Simpsons area under construction.  That is all.

‘Under the Dome’ to give ‘Simpsons’ shout-out – CBS is making a mini-series based on the Stephen King book about the town that gets trapped like carrots.  It will contain a brief mention of the movie.

Style Inspiration: Marge Simpson – How to dress like Marge without it being a Halloween costume.

Found this so COOL.=) – A drawing of famous fictional female haircuts. 

Moleman In The Morning. – I have no idea what this is or is going to be, but the subtitle is “A Simpsons blog about the agonizing pain in which I live every day.”.  It’s got a good title, that’s for sure. 

Cod aren’t coming back — yet – Moderate usage:

Under the sea

there’ll be no accusations,

Just tasty crustaceans.

— Homer Simpson

The baldheaded buffoon of the popular cartoon (The Simpsons) could have been talking about the Northwest Atlantic.

Homer actually calls them “friendly” crustaceans, but other than that it’s dead on.

5 Cancelled TV Shows That Got Given A Reprieve – Just another reminder that, fan wise, people don’t care about the continuation of Zombie Simpsons:

You know, I find it kind of humorous that Matt Groening has two shows that will appear on two separate lists on these kinds of websites. The Simpsons will frequently pop up on people’s lists of shows which need to be mercifully killed off. Then there will be Futurama, which will pop on lists like the one I’m writing here, about shows which were killed off and eventually brought back to life.

That’s how low Zombie Simpsons’ reputation has sunk, it’s cancellation gets mentioned even on lists it isn’t on.